The roller coaster…

I’m back on it again. The thing us borderlines, know only as “the roller coaster” 

I was in control.

Well, not me.

The meds.

They helped me breathe. 

In a way, they let me take the wheel.

Instead of my demons, instead of my constant fluctuations, instead of the rage, the screaming, the ever so euphoric highs and torturous lows.

Instead of the roller coaster.

But in a way, I’ve never really gotten off.

The ride just slowed down for a time. 

Now, like a raging storm, like a roaring fire, I am once again, at full speed, no end in sight. 
The question is, do I really want to get off this time? 

Dull the beautifully, gut wrenching, oceans deep full of emotions, that most will never experience in their lifetime? 

Give that all up? 

The wonderfully tragic, amazing, beauty I see in the world because of it. 

Is it worth the pain? The turmoil? 

This will always be the hardest question. 

Give up yourself for peace or give up peace for yourself… for the beauty.
-B. 8-14-17

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