Time

They say time doesn’t exist Maybe in a sense

In the physical concept 

The physical sense 

There is no such thing as time 
But we are all running out of time 

If you really think about it 

Some sooner than others 
I think that’s why we have a concept of time

Because it brings us security, in some way 

But it also brings us fear 
I hate time 

I love the unknown 
Time is…

Pressure

Fear 

Anxiety 
It takes the fun out of life 

Putting time, onto moments 

Never really living 
Time is the past and the future 

It’s not the present 

The present is where moments happen 

Where the unknown springs up and surprises you 

It’s where life happens 
When you are too busy with time 

You miss these 

So, are you really living? 

Have you really lived? 
What will you think, when your time is up?

Will you wish for the present? 

Because time is just a concept

It’s not really there 
So live for now 

Enjoy those moments 

Don’t restrain yourself to time 

Live… 
-B. 

9-17-17

Amy (part 2) 

We talked for 5 hours that dayMy sister was worried I would leave 

Come live with you 

That’s what my mom told me 
I remember that day because it was the best day of my life 

But I would later find out 

That for you… 

it was the worst. 
From that day on 

We were inseparable 

For the next 5 years or so 

We talked everyday for hours 

And even skyped
You eventually came to visit 

Scariest and most exciting day of my life 

We had a pre planned meeting spot 

The clock in GCT 
I took the train in to the city 

I remember getting off the train 

Calling my best friend walking out of GCT saying I can’t do this but he talked me up 

So I walked back in 

Luckily I came from behind 

I said, “mom” 

You turned around 

I remember you started hysterically crying 

You hugged me 

You wouldn’t let go 

I never felt that before 

That bond 
We had the best day in the city 

I felt like the new baby 

Because you were buying me all these new clothes 

We did touristy things too 

You wouldn’t stop staring at me while you walked 
Over the years we met a few more times 

Once in Chicago 

You also came back here to visit again and meet my family and best friend 

And the last time we ever saw each other in person was the time I flew to California for you 
That was the beginning of the end… 
-B. 

9-15-17

Amy (part 1) 

I learned early on I found out 

I was not like them 

I did not come from her 

I came from you 
I was made fun of 

I was told I wasn’t like them 

I was different 
Every birthday I wished for you 

I longed to know you 

Where I came from 

Who I looked like in this world 
I dreamed of you 

Not like most 

I never dreamed you were someone amazing 

But I dreamed of you 

Having that connection 

Something I never felt 

That bond 

I never got to have 
I never felt right 

Never felt like I fit into this family 

I wasn’t like them 

I kept wishing for you 
I hated you 

I hated you for giving me up 

I hated you for life I had 

I hate you for all the horrible things that happened to me 

I hated you because I didn’t know who I was 
But I loved you 

I loved you because you were who I was

You were who I looked like 

You made me 

I came from you 

You were my only link to the beginning 

You were my mom 
And then…

At 3:00am, crying hysterically over everything that they did… all the violations… stolen innocence…

I found a profile, on a website 

It matched my information 

So I made a profile 

I waited… 

And a few days past 
I was in the school parking lot when I got a call from a Florida number 

I picked up 

They told me the profiles matched 

They told me that you would be calling me, that we sounded the same, that we both had AOL accounts 

I was in shock… 
A few days passed….

I was driving through the next town over 

I got a call, from a California number 

I picked up the phone… my heart pounding 

It was you. 

Finally. 
You said, “Hi, My name is Amy, I’m your birth mother. How are you?” 

And I said, like we had known each other for years, ” Hi! I’m good! How are you!?” 
-B. 

9-15-17

Cracks…

I’ve always loved cracks Photographing them 

Noticing them in the strangest of places 

I don’t think many people notice things like cracks 

Or even realize what they could mean 

Oh, they have so many meanings 
Cracks in pavement, where flowers grow

In broken mirrors, where flaws show 

In window pains, about to shatter 

In paint, chips revealing hidden surfaces 

In our hearts, remembering what once was lost 

In our souls, over time, bending and breaking 
Cracks…

They can hurt 

But they can be a place of new life 

They can be beautiful 

A place where you can grow that flower 

Chip away that paint 

Shatter that pain 
Oh they have so many meanings 

So many beautiful meanings 
You can crack 

But in those cracks 

Are you 

Your beautiful story

Your beautiful life 
You see, now? 

They can be beautiful, too…
-B. 

9-15-17

Adderall

It started with a flutterbye I hate flutterbyes 

But that’s how my mom knew 
I was only 7 

When they told me 

I cried, I pleaded 

I felt ashamed 

I thought I was broken 

But they said I had to take it 
The very next day I had my first taste 

She put it in vanilla icing 

That way I wouldn’t notice it 

I didn’t want it 

I thought only broken people took medication 
30 minutes passed by 

I looked up at her 

With a smile on my face 

“I can feel it, it’s working” 

Clear mind

Focused 

For the very first time 

With a burst of energy 
I’m 28, now 

I need it now 

I want it now 

I can’t function without it now 
Im human 

Normal 

Not broken 

With it 
My biggest struggle 

To keep 

To keep my taste for it 

My taste in check 
I’ve seen how far I can go

I never want to be there

I never want to go there 

Never again… 
-B. 

9-11-17

Words…

Words Words 

Words still cannot fill enough space 

Enough time 

Describe enough

What 

Who 

How 

You 

Beautiful you 

Make me feel 

What you mean 

Who I am because 

Who you are to me

Words 

So many words 

Can’t even scratch the surface 
If I could show you 

Somehow

Rip my emotions from my beating hear 

From my burning soul 

Let you breath them in 

Feel them in your hands 

Grasping onto to them with all your strength 

I would 

And maybe 

Maybe then 

You 

You would know 

What I feel 

What you make me feel 
This all consuming 

Burning flames 

Heart pounding 

Stomach fluttering 

Head in the clouds 

Amazing

Beautiful 

Crazy 

Thing they call love… 
-B. 

9-10-17

I said it!

I said it I’ve been thinking it for weeks 

But I finally said it to you 
I said it 

And it meant something 

It wasn’t a baseless 

Empty 

Meaningless 

Saying 

Not anymore 
I thought it had lost all of it 

I thought I would never be able to say 

Say those three words again 

But I said them 
And when I said them 

I didn’t feel empty 

I didn’t overuse them 

It felt like home 

It felt like I had never in my life told anyone those three words 
I’ve been wanting to tell you for so long 

You knew that 

I couldn’t 

Not with you 

You’re different 

They had to mean something 

Because you mean something 
But 

I

Finally 

Said 

It 
…I love you. 
-B. 

9-10-17