Am I overreacting? Are these feelings legitimate? Are they real? Am I really this way or did I just make this all up in my head?
Lately, I’ve been struggling a lot with these types of questions. If this is all in my head, if this is all made up. This borderline, if it is just some imaginary thing that doesn’t even exist, that I don’t actually have but I am just a giant fucking drama queen, cry baby.
I think a big part of it, is the fact that for years, my mother would drill it into my head that I was just immature. That I was only a drama queen. That there was nothing wrong with me.
Another part, I think, which I’ve been reading a lot about is invalidation. I think the years of invalidation have finally gotten to me. That I am just refusing or maybe a better word for it, self doubting to such a degree, that I don’t even believe my own self anymore.
I used to be more confident about my feelings. But now, I feel like I can’t trust them. As if they may not be real. Maybe this is a new symptom?
I wish I knew what the fuck was going on. As much of a psych nerd as I am, sometimes, my own psyche eludes me.