Sorry’s and Explanations 

Do you know what two things I really hate about being borderline? Feeling like I constantly have to apologize for what I do and having to explain myself. 

I am always saying sorry. I know part of that, for me is because I was programmed by an abusive ex, but, then I also feel self doubt. That also makes me apologize. I feel like I’m so unsure how they’ll react, so I immediately apologize before they can react in case it’s negative. Well, then I guess that’s also fear. 

But I really fucking hate that. It’s annoying. 
Then there’s explaining myself. Oh man, I really hate this one. Because no matter what I say, they don’t understand. You can’t possibly understand, not unless you feel as intensely as I do. 

Or having to explain why you just went from one emotion to another so quickly, for no reason. Or why you had to cancel. 

Try explaining to someone, a normie, that everything you do, even your bathroom habits are guided by emotions. That emotions are everything, they rule your entire life. Everything you do, think or feel is based on emotion. It just goes over their head. 
What do you hate? 
-B. 

11-18-17 

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