Walking contradiction

You hear a lot about black and white in BPD but you don’t hear a lot about the contradictory nature of someone with BPD.

Now, don’t go getting mad. I’m only speaking from experience. I fully admit to being a walking contradiction.

It often frustrates people. Makes people think I’m a liar. That I’m hard to trust. But I’m here to explain it to you the best way I can because unless you understand it, you’re going to think those things and they are simply not true.

Let me set the record straight first. I am an open book. I tell it like it is. What comes out of my mouth is what I meant to say in that exact moment.

Now, let me explain. I say things I mean IN THE MOMENT. They are tied to HOW I FEEL, my emotions. Having borderline personality disorder, this means, it changes constantly. So, my views on things are constantly changing. I can mean one thing and the next day contradict it because I feel differently about it that day.

IT DOES NOT mean I lied. It means that I feel DIFFERENTLY about the situation. That my mind CHANGED. Things change and that’s normal. Maybe not at the slow pace they normally do, but that’s how they work for me.

This may be frustrating for you normies but imagine being me. I am constantly contracting a lot of the things I believe. Like, parts of my identity. Now, don’t get me started on identity, we can hit on that another time.

So, next time, try to be understanding. We are just going with our emotions. Constantly changing.

-B. 6-10-18

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s