Inspired

Yesterday morning my little 11 year old 5lb Pomeranian died suddenly with no warning… I have been devastated. Especially being so unbalanced lately with meds and starting my senior semester as a psych research student. Out of all of this, all my friends were nowhere to be found. For months I lost my spark. The one that drives creativity but yesterday I found it in the strength and grief and love for my old companion.

This is what came of it… the last picture is basically finished just need a few finishing touches but in pain is art and in art is pain and in that is solace. Remember that.

Angel of death

Risk it all for love

I never thought

I could do that

Would do that

I don’t even know

Why I love you

The way I do

I’m drawn to you

In an unearthly way

Unexplainable

Magnetic pull

I’d follow you to hell

I’d walk through the fires

And know I was safe

Because I’m by your side

I’d cross oceans

And deserts to find you

You’re my universe

The center of everything that is

And ever will be

And I know you’ll be my downfall…. my angel of death

-B.

11-27-18

Doomed

Should I of stayed?

Would we have been okay then?

Look at us now

You don’t even see it

You didn’t see it

Two hellbent souls

Trying to love

But too broken to be

Now we’re here

Trying so hard to hold on

But I see what’s happening

The growing distance

This won’t last

This won’t work

This is doomed

It’s always been doomed

A Shakespearean tragedy…

-B. 6-9-18

Beautiful chaos

You’re dangerous

You’re the worst kind of amazing

You are a demon in disguise

I don’t want to let you go

I don’t know how

I can’t

You made me your fool

A doll for your rage

You tricked me

A sense of security

A false love

I am yours

I fall at your words

Hopeless

But how do I let you go,

When I still believe in you?

When I still believe there’s a heart in there

You’re my destruction

My fallen angel

My beautiful chaos.

-B. 6-7-18

The greatest story

This is hard

This is really hard

I’m not going to lie

You’re a stubborn grump

I’m an emotional ball of twine

You’re snarky and testy

I’m needy and damaged

You’re anger

I’m the emotional spectrum

You’re regimented

I’m all over the place

We’re two different souls

Intertwined in this place

Going through time

Finding our own way

But this is not easy

No one ever said it was

I don’t think anything great is easy

I guess that means…

We’re the greatest story ever told.

-B.

1-17-18

Light bringer

You’re the best and worst kind of love

The safest and most dangerous

Kindest and cruelest

Yet you disguise yourself as an angel

But that’s my fault,

I never asked if

You were fallen

If you were the light bringer

I’ve seen a darker born version of you

My first actually

I swore after his head scramble

No one would affect me

Make me feel

Make me afraid to lose them

Like he did

Hook,line and sinker

I didn’t even see it coming

Because you’re a different kind

You still deeply love

You need to protect

You make me better

You see now, all angels have wings, even the fallen ones and…

The light bringer in the dark, Lucifer because he too was once an angel…you

-B. 4-26-18

Amy (part 2) 

We talked for 5 hours that dayMy sister was worried I would leave 

Come live with you 

That’s what my mom told me 
I remember that day because it was the best day of my life 

But I would later find out 

That for you… 

it was the worst. 
From that day on 

We were inseparable 

For the next 5 years or so 

We talked everyday for hours 

And even skyped
You eventually came to visit 

Scariest and most exciting day of my life 

We had a pre planned meeting spot 

The clock in GCT 
I took the train in to the city 

I remember getting off the train 

Calling my best friend walking out of GCT saying I can’t do this but he talked me up 

So I walked back in 

Luckily I came from behind 

I said, “mom” 

You turned around 

I remember you started hysterically crying 

You hugged me 

You wouldn’t let go 

I never felt that before 

That bond 
We had the best day in the city 

I felt like the new baby 

Because you were buying me all these new clothes 

We did touristy things too 

You wouldn’t stop staring at me while you walked 
Over the years we met a few more times 

Once in Chicago 

You also came back here to visit again and meet my family and best friend 

And the last time we ever saw each other in person was the time I flew to California for you 
That was the beginning of the end… 
-B. 

9-15-17