Angel of death

Risk it all for love

I never thought

I could do that

Would do that

I don’t even know

Why I love you

The way I do

I’m drawn to you

In an unearthly way


Magnetic pull

I’d follow you to hell

I’d walk through the fires

And know I was safe

Because I’m by your side

I’d cross oceans

And deserts to find you

You’re my universe

The center of everything that is

And ever will be

And I know you’ll be my downfall…. my angel of death




I hear the wind

Rustling through the trees

A warm spring day

The windows open

I can feel a breeze on my skin

Cool and warm

Out my window

All green

The sun is shining

But inside me

Is a darkness

An aching pain

That doesn’t relent

What once was beautiful

Is now tarnished with the darkness

I’m falling over the edge

this time I don’t think I’ll be pulled back

This time, I think it’s going to stick

-B. 6-12-18


5 am

I have not slept a wink

Staring out the window

Laying in bed

Waiting for the morning light

The sun to rise

For the rays to shine through

My heart is pounding

I am exhausted

But I am awake

My mind is whirling

Where did the time go?

The birds are awake now

But no one else is

Except me and them

And there’s a calmness in that

A secret in that

Like a whisper

And I wait

For the morning sun

To shine through

To awaken the world

And brighten my room

But until then, this is our secret…



These walls…

These walls Have all 

All of my memories 

Strewn across them

All my knick-knacks 

Photos of the dead and forgotten 

Photos of the loved 

Things I collect 
Two huge windows 

With little things I’ve collected over the years 

Let the sunlight in 

One I sit by 

Staring out 

Into the world 

Watching it go by 

As I smoke my cigarettes 
My bed 

Fit for a queen 

With a dozen pillows 

Never made 

Like a giant cloud 

Where I rest my weary head 
A homemade desk 

Never used for its purpose 

But as a nightstand 

A place for things to collect 
A kitchen table 

A beautiful table 

From the old house 

That I could not part with 

Chairs of red,green,and yellow 

A wood table, covered by white paint cracks

Hidden secrets 
An armoire 

To match that kitchen table 

With two glass doors 

For my favorite books and movies 
A dresser 

A huge dresser 

For my clothes 

Something out of beauty and the beast 

On top 

My jewelry and cameras 

All arranged beautifully 
But this room 

Is no room

These walls 

Are no walls 
This is no room 

This room Is a prison 

These are no walls

These Are bars 
Meant to lock me in 

Keep me away 

From the world 

From what I love 
I cannot grow here

I cannot be here 

I simply cannot here 


Stay with me…

I stared out the window Watching the trees 

The sky 

The world 
Time stopped here 

Well, life did 


It was a safe place 

A place to heal

A place where the demons 

Dare not go 
I would sit in the windowsill 

For hours 

Listening to “stay with me” 

by Clint mansell 

on repeat 
I did that 

Because I was losing myself 

As I watched the world 

I needed to remember 

I needed this place 

To find myself 
And now

Once again 

I’m listening 

To that song 







Do we really ever stop missing home? Missing what we once thought was safe?
I miss home  

I miss feeling “safe”  

I miss that feeling 

In my 28 years 


Has never been safe 


Safe was this idea 

A fairytale

Something to keep me warm at night.

I’m 28 


I’m homesick 

For a place 

That I’ve made myself believe 

Believe is safe 
But safe it is not…